i think my tv is drunk
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
