well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
