can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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