Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
