i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
