she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
