How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
