and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
