I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What happened to fro yo and sex?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
