woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
