We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
