he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
