If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize