no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
