I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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