She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
