I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
