She tied me up with her honor cords...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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