I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
