Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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