It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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