when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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