I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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