Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
