Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
