your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize