I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sarcasm needs its own font
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
