Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
