Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
