Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
