I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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