would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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