Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
