i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
