when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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