So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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