Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
