I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
