just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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