Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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