He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
