Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
