everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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