I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize