Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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