4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize