yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
