Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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