I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
