I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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