apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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