You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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