wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
