You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
