I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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