I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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