I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
