I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
