Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
