lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
