The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All the doctor said was why
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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