I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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