Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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