Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
