Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My penis needs a shock collar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
