Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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