my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
