U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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