There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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