So drunk its hurt
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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